Getting Horribly Lost

I really don't know where to start this blog. My mind is so tired all the time and I can't seem to keep my thoughts focused. Everything has changed since taking on a new-ish position at work. As I feared my writing has gone drastically downhill. Some days I barely get any writing done and on others it's completely non-existent. Is it possible that my dream is slowly slipping out of my grasp?

When I am at the day job all I can think about is writing and how I can't wait to have free time so that I can do it. But when the free time rolls around there are other tasks that need tending or I'm just mentally tired. My brain is constantly on the go, a computer that never sleeps. Just about any desire to write has slowly seeped out of me during the course of the day.

Am I losing it?

Is the passion I once held for my writing, for my desire to be an author fading?

Part of me thought getting a planner would help in some way, though aside from watching deadlines come screaming at me only to whiz by I have yet to see the actual good in this idea. Oops. I wanted to be so much further into my writing this year. There are lists upon lists of projects that I keep putting off and adding to and I am just not making any progress. Is it hopeless?

Right now I'm struggling to finish two short stories, both of them roughly 3,000 words. This is the sort of thing I should be able to get written in a day and yet...

There's an offer on the table from one of my publishers that when I first read the email filled me with such a sense of elation. Which was quickly dashed by the reality of my newly acquired work schedule. And the offer just sits there, barely any progress being made on it. This was/is something I hoped for and now... I don't even know what to do anymore.

My writing isn't the only thing that is suffering.

Don't even get me started on the chores being neglected or my friends.

I feel like, in my free time, I have to choose between my writing/working towards my dream or giving it up/doing other things.

Not writing is making me depressed. Yet, the more I fail to write the more I figure "why bother?", I'm never going to get anything done.


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